Final Exam to be Taken by Dream Girl Based on Selections from Opening Sentences of Messages Mr. Hanson-Finger Has Really Honestly Sent to Girls on OKCupid
  Jeremy Hanson-Finger

A. Short-Form Response
Answer three of four questions. Three points per response. Take as much space as you need, but be mindful of time. You will be graded on your use of material from the Jeremy Hanson-Finger canon (OKCupid profile) interweaved into your response.

  1. What is it about high fives that bothers you?
  2. What is it about your sneezes that makes people laugh?
  3. There is something about green peppers, isn't there?
  4. Contemporary klezmer?

       /9

B. Essays
Pick one quotation from the collected OKCupid correspondences of Jeremy Hanson-Finger listed below and formulate your own thesis, using the quotation for support, to explore one or more of the following themes: sex, love, average relationship length, open relationships, one night stands, religion, alcohol/drug/tobacco use, age, body type, height, ethnicity, rape fantasies, pets, hobbies. Ten points (three for style, three for thesis, and four for use of evidence).

  1. "All the personality tests I did said I should be a scientist."
  2. "I believe in penguins but I can't remember if I've ever seen one."
  3. "You made me think of those hippies performing protein synthesis as an interpretive dance."
  4. "As a child I had a dental hygienist who called herself 'The Ayatollah of Tooth Care.'"
  5. "I misread 'swimming in lakes' as 'swimming in latkes' and then I got hungry.'"

       /10

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